Saturday, May 1, 2010

Pardon My Excuses

Hello, there. I haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?

No reply, huh? That's fine. I don't deserve it. Well, this is a little embarrassing... we haven't posted a blog entry since the 22nd of March. See, the thing is, I was actually abducted by aliens, descriptively calling themselves "Purple People Eaters." After narrowly escaping yet another anal probing, I found myself lost in amidst the space-time continuum, finally arriving here yesterday with a sore rectum and clouded memory.

Ok, you got me. I lied. There's no other reason for my laziness other than... well, laziness. However, aside from my anal-inserting tale of abduction, things haven't been too bad. Keep in mind that just because we haven't been posting doesn't mean we haven't been working out. We've been losing weight, lifting weights, and keeping a decent overall fitness level. It hasn't been easy: finals, food, formals, fraternities, fornicating (I wish)... Despite my optimistic alliteration, I'm not too happy with our progress.

Let's talk numbers for a quick second: 
January 2008: 252 lbs.
Summer 2009: 202.3 lbs.
After coming back from winter break: 212.5 lbs.
Before spring break: 185.9 lbs.
After spring break: 201.4 lbs.
Yesterday: 189.1 lbs.

Conclusion: breaks kick my ass.

Now, this is a problem because summer starts in exactly a week for me. At the same time, I leave for Europe on May 26th. My goal is to be seated on that plane at 180lbs. or less. My other goal is to have intense sexual intercourse with Ellen Page. Seeing as the latter is a bit unattainable, I've got about nine pounds to lose. Keeping the Will Smith movie references at bay, it's crunch time (Side note: bunch-a-crunch is delicious. Remember those?) for both my weight loss and my academic progress. I've got finals to study for, papers to write, and hands to keep OUT of my pants. 

That's about all I have for now... Oh, but before I forget, I want to thank everyone that pays any remote attention to this blog, especially one reader that persuaded me to write again. This post is dedicated to you (no homo... okay, maybe a little homo, actually: homo foshomo). 

Respectfully submitted,
- Rob 

Monday, March 22, 2010

How We Break

I think it's about time we got into the details of what EXACTLY it is that we do. Rob and I are, as you may have guessed, workout-ers. We have a goal to get rid of whatever it is that we find to be weak in ourselves and we're taking you along with us in our little escapade.

It's spring break for us, which to many may mean sunny beaches, hot girls, and self-induced stupidity, but for us it means brightly-lit computer monitors, Cloud Strife (I'm not a hater, he's just a pretty hot girl), and some self-induced laziness. I was definitely expecting to get as much of a "break" as possible from all the goings-on at school, working out included. But, being the dedicated people we are, we've decided to take advantage of a free one week membership at Xsport to satiate are iron-filled lust.

So, here is how we plan on breaking: Starting Monday, today, up until Friday, we are going to hit the gym and chisel away at our bodies. How we fair is yet to be seen, but if we stopped working out now, it would be like a fat kid that stopped eating cake. Fitty had it right. We may not be in love, but we definitely like what we got going.

Also: I mentioned earlier that there would be titillating pictures of ourselves in various positions. Fear not, your pants will be wet soon enough.


Friday, March 19, 2010

Live Like You're Livin

It's been a while since we last met and it's about time we've spoken. Recently, I stopped being a "teen." At about a quarter of the way through my life, I can honestly say that I'm a scared shitless.

What is it that has my panties in a bunch? Is it that fact that I'm one year closer to the inevitable end of my existence? Or maybe it's that, in my 20 years of living, I really haven't done much in terms of contribution to society.

Sorry I lied. I was scared. I was afraid of leaving this world behind without having left some sort of mark on it, but then I talked to an extremely wise young woman (or maybe it was because I watched 27 Dresses for the first time... don't hate). With just a few words I was out. Out from the intimacy of the temptress known as fear. Because here's the deal: Whatever happens in the future, we're still living now. I shouldn't need to be on the verge of death to realize that I want to have Scarlett Johannson's babies or enter platform 9 and 3 quarters, or something just as simple as yelling at the top of your lungs for the hell of it after finishing a great workout without feeling the least bit awkward in getting death glares from all the other students outside.

I guess all I can say is this: Keep the future (your goals) in mind, but remember to LIVE while you're achieving them.

Still alive,

Thursday, March 18, 2010


Although somewhat intoxicated, I feel like I can properly discuss my feelings right now. Also, despite the fact that these letters seem jumbled and unreadable, I have a pretty decent hold on my thoughts and emotions. So, first of all, I'd just like to say: FUCK YES. Pardon my French, but Vinit and I are getting shit done here. This is what it's like to accomplish goals, and I have to say... it feels damn good. After a celebratory Bud Light, morale is high at the Robvin Hood estate. (Yeah, I have little idea what that means either). 

I'm not exactly sure how many people are following us, and frankly, I could care less. It's not that I don't care about our readers, but that's not the reason behind this blog. Popularity is insignificant. I believe that when we work hard, good things will come our way. Vinit's hitting those 3rd stack weights of 55 lbs. and up (joining the big dogs), and I'm at my lowest weight this year (185.7). Feels good... man.

This post doesn't really have a theme, motif, or even any useful advice (mostly because I'm drunk). In all seriousness though, don't give up. That's all I have for you right now. Just don't give up. We all have dreams, some of them more attainable than the others. It's whether or not we back down that truly shows our manliness (or womanliness) and dedication. Lift up your head, feel proud, and strive to accomplish whatever it is you seek. Five minutes ago, I felt like binging. Right now, I'm in control, focused, and ready for anything.

Join me.

Always your friend,
- Rob

Sunday, March 14, 2010


Well, for once, I've got nothing to talk about. More accurately, I've got nothing to say. I just don't have any excuses anymore. I averted a binge on Friday... only to succumb to it terribly on Saturday... It really just disgusts me, not just the fact that I ate like 9,000 calories over the span of about two to three hours, but the fact that it's controlling my life. I had a great workout in the morning with Vin and I wasn't too happy about my weight (190.5), but I sure wasn't about to ruin it even more by overeating. That's not even partially true... the idea of binging was on my mind since about Tuesday of this week, and I acted on it THREE times, each more disastrous than the last. I was so busy eating yesterday that I didn't notice a very important text message until 7:02. The text was about an urgent meeting I was supposed to attend... AT 7:00. Not only did I show up a half-hour late, I showed up bloated and dressed like a lesbian in sweatshirt and sweatpants. The cherry on top: I continued my binge after I got home from the event.

I'm ashamed, I feel guilty, and I feel like I've let a lot of people down: readers of this blog (if any), Vin, Jen, my fraternity brothers, and worst of all: myself. If I can't believe in myself, how can anyone else? The same concept applies: how can anyone love you, if you don't love yourself? Well, let me tell you. I hate myself. Not that I ever liked myself that much... I mean, I've always found flaws even in the best of times. Even at my most confident, I can point out something wrong: whether it be my hair, a random pimple, or my outstanding cleavage. Unfortunately, I'm all out of excuses this time. All I can do now is try to make it up to you... whoever "you" are. I went running for the first time in a while today, and I hope to continue the trend. Sweat, blood, tears... whatever it takes... no pain, no gain, baby.

Signing out, 
- Rob

Friday, March 12, 2010



INFERNOPLEX. (75.46%) !!!


If you guys can't tell already, I fully endorse DDR and ITG both as amazing cardiovascular exercises. I'll take more about this at a later date, but right now I'm kind of jizzing all over the place in joy.

Keep dancin',

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Sweatin' the Small Stuff (Literally)

Yeah... you guessed it. I'm struggling. 

And when I say "struggling," I mean over-analyzing the crap out of little shit and taking massive dumps after going on breakfast food binging sprees. Pardon the potty mouth, but it's really starting to irritate me AND my bowels (last one, I swear). It happens time and time again: sweatin' the small stuff. Blowing things out of proportion is just what I do. To think, spring break is a mere week away and here I am, thinking about the possibility of indulging in several boxes of Oatmeal Creme Pies and an entire loaf of Irish soda bread. 

The weather's getting nicer, I'm getting my schoolwork done, but something keeps bothering me in the back of my head. Before, I thought getting girls involved in my life would solve all my problems. Unfortunately, I've unleashed a whole new realm of stress and sexual temptation; it doesn't help that I'm restricting masturbation (what is this? Day 26?). For all I know, the problems could mean nothing. Then again, they could mean something. Ignorance is bliss... if that's the case, shouldn't I be happy?

Screw it. Really. I shouldn't have to deal with this kind of bullshit. I've got goals to accomplish and minor details shouldn't get in the way. I'm sorry for being redundant, but these are the kind of problems that mess with my psyche on a daily basis. It's over. I've decided. I'm going to fix this problem. My mouth has been kept closed for a long time and I've kept my worries inside. Relationships are founded on trust and honesty. That's why I'm going to be straightforward. No bullshit, and more importantly, no massive binge shits.

With love,