Self-Reflection

Anger, frustration, fury, depression...

These are only some of the emotions controlling my life, not only at this very moment, but for a tremendously long time. Right now, I'm absolutely furious, pissed off. Although punching walls might take away some of the steam, the majority of me wants to take a fucking bite out of the plaster. 

Am I to blame for the way I feel right now? Do I even have the right to be mad, or annoyed, or even complain? Who gives a shit what I'm experiencing or what it's like to be in my shoes? I'm such a loser that I can't even wait for a phone call before possibly ruining a potential relationship. Frankly, I don't give a shit whether that's a plausible or quality problem. I blow things way out of proportion all the time. It's an illness that I'm all but willing to admit. This is even coming right after that inspirational blog about thinking lightly and not letting your own thoughts consume you. Well, I warned you that I'm a filthy hypocrite. I, myself, am the LEAST likely to heed my own advice.

Can I change? Can I stop be such a goddamn pussy and speak up for myself? Can I take the initiative, man up, and take responsibility for my actions? The future seems bleak and at this very moment, I can't help but be pessimistic. I mentioned in the very beginning: health and fitness aren't only about exercising and eating right. Mental health is as important, if not more so. It makes no sense... I should be happy, right? I'm at my lowest weight so far, I like the way I look in the mirror, and I haven't had the urge to binge-eat. Wrong. Dead fucking wrong. This is ridiculous. I feel like shit. 

Then again, is THIS ridiculous or am I BEING ridiculous?

Look up,

- Rob